the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
