I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
