when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
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She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
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Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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