Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
