i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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