Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome