Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.