I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.