Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize