I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship