in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
