Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
