im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
