As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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