His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
