Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
