but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
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