well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just cut my nipple shaving
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
