RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
