I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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