walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
