I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
