I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
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I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
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The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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