Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
