Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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