fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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