We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
