I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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