He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
