Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
