i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
