how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
