i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
