the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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