I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
