i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
