Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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