I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
