you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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