Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
