K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
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