She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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