She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
