the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
