There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
