I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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