My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
