If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
There's a naked man in my car right now.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
