the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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