Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
