remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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