If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
