you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
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The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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