Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
