when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
