Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
