My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
