If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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