Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
