Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
