I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
