He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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