I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
