I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
