You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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