All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
