Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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