You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
