in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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