I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
