she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
