Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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