you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
