I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
