Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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