so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
