beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
